Rebuilding Life While Remembering Ben
Wednesday, 30 May 2007
Mother's Day

Mother's Day -- the first without Ben.  We figured this had the potential to challenge us, so decided to plan something meaningful in Ben's memory.  We put together our first geocache, named it "Ben's Bug Springs Kids' Cache," and filled it with treasures intended to please kids Ben's age.  Then we packed up Matthew and both sets of grandparents, and headed up the mountain to hide it.  The hiding was followed by a delightful brunch in a cool spot under the pines.  From my perspective, it was a perfectly satisfying way to spend my first Mother's Day without the little boy who made "mother" a key feature of my identity.

This was also my first Mother's Day with Matthew, whose wide smiles and shameless flirtations make it impossible to remain mired in grief.  What a joy!

























Posted by benjaminsbugs at 5:43 PM
Updated: Thursday, 31 May 2007 4:38 PM
Sunday, 6 May 2007
Camping and Caching


We've just returned from our first camping trip with Matthew, and without Ben.  Lots of painful memories, and the weather wasn't great, either.  But -- braving unpleasantly powerful winds, we released a Benjamin's Bug just west of the New Mexico border.  And, when the weather cleared sufficiently for us to leave our pop-up, nature walks with Matthew yielded sightings of dog-sized jackrabbits, a swimming meadowlark, and a healthy herd of elk. (Well, regarding the meadowlark, we unwittingly startled the juvenile out of the bushes and right into the Little Colorado.  We feared for its life, but it scrambled out seemingly unphased.)

Over the past month, we have also done a good bit of geocaching and associated hiking.  Our "Benjamin's Bugs" are starting to move, and we'll track their movement on the BugWatch page of  I had intended to post pictures of some of our outings as we took them, but haven't had the time. 

It's our great fortune that Matthew seems to enjoy being outdoors with us.  He is 7 months old now, cutting his first teeth, rolling all over, chatting and whispering to anyone who will listen, and smiling broadly.  He is truly a joy.











Left to right, preparing green onions, being modest, and dancing with Munya. 

Take care, everyone!

Posted by benjaminsbugs at 5:53 PM
Updated: Sunday, 6 May 2007 5:57 PM
Sunday, 8 April 2007
Presenting our blog...

Hello All,

This is the first entry in our family's blog, which we decided to start after losing Benjamin.  In fact, we had discussed starting one earlier, since we have regularly overlooked opportunities to keep cross-country family and friends up to date on our family's goings-on.  Of course, we had hoped we would be updating primarily on the development, antics, personalities, adventures, and relationships of our two boys, but unfathomably, our life as we had planned it is simply not to be. 

For a very long time, our family will be actively grieving.  We will also be raising our beautiful son, Matthew.  So this blog will track at least these two basic themes, and will be characterized by fluctuating emotions and irregular posting; we anticipate posts of pictures of Matthew, of our outings, and of ourselves, along with some reflections.  We hope in time that moods and post patterns will shift, reflecting an ongoing process of healing and creation of new meaning.

"From where I stand, the sun casts haunting shadows, but I turn my face to its warmth and think, What a beautiful day!" (Lise Funderberg)

Posted by benjaminsbugs at 4:10 PM
Updated: Sunday, 6 May 2007 4:44 PM

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